i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize