So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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