Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
