I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
