He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
