So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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