Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
