Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
