A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
