my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize