Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I smell stomach acid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
