True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
