i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
