sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
