Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
