a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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