he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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