I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
love makes seman taste better
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
