Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
