how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
