my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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