thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize