She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
