You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
