I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
