my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
