i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize