Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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