yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
