oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
