i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
