You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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