You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
