oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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