woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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