Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
