Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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