My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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