First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
