they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
