i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
