I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
