She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
