Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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