Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
