He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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