So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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