I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
