You work out of a Hotel?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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