and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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