Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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