Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
