I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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