My sheets look like a crime scene.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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