My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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