I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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