Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
