bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
