i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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