I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
