Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
