My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
