Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
