no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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