On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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