My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
