Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
