problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
