yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
