If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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