So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize