Your dad touched me again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
