I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize