I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
