You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize