Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
