Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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